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Saturday, June 16, 2018

As It Turns Out... I'm Not My MC

Hey everyone,

If you've ever written, drawn, crafted or created any sort of artistic works, have you ever put too much of yourself into the pieces?  Often, I wonder if I've made my MC, Bao Lai, too much like myself... or at least, the me I think I am inside my own head.  I discovered recently that isn't so and maybe, I should be more like her.

You've heard me complain about my job before (as many working people do) and if you've read Malphas, you'd get the gist of my feelings toward my coworkers... again, afraid I might have put too much of myself into writing.  Anyway, I'm not fond of being a complainer.  I'm more of a doer, so I thought.  Last year, I applied to the JET Program as an assistant language teacher for the 2018 school year.  Well, I was actually short listed and was assigned to a great city called Sapporo (like the beer) in Hokkaido, Japan.  I was really excited except... ultimately, I failed to make the jump.  As we learn from many otomes, an MC is no one special until she either is drawn into some craziness or takes a chance at life.  I actually felt as if I could have been an MC in my own little story if I had taken the chance and started over in Japan.

The idea of starting anew is thrilling and frightening.  I kept thinking, I'm in my thirties... this job is mainly targeted at new graduates.  If this were a decade ago, I wouldn't hesitate.  To give up my safe job and go overseas just to finally come back and... look for another job that will likely pay less, not to mention, lose two years worth of additional savings which I've been working toward in order to afford a house is... madness.  Then there were fears of the language barriers, making social mistakes, not knowing how to get places (because I get lost a lot), horror stories online from JET alums, etc.  There were also some family issues too that added to the weight on my chest.  Even then, ever since I turned down the position (and made someone on the waiting list very happy), a thought has been been gnawing at my psyche.  What if this was my last and only chance to work abroad like I've wanted for a long time?  What if I could have discovered some great sights and made lasting memories?  The 2020 Olympics will be in Tokyo.  I could have gone to the Olympics!  Maybe, I could have met the love of my life.  I didn't walk down that path and now I'll never know.  The what ifs in life are truly daunting.

When I used to hear people quit great jobs to go do crazy things in search of adventure, I thought them bonkers.  I guess I understand now.  Life is short.  Live it while you can because in the end, money can't be taken with you.  Find happiness and live a good life instead of sitting in a dead end job quietly cussing your a-hole coworkers.  That's a heart attack waiting to happen.  Though, that's not to say recklessly quitting a good job is best for everyone.  Still, I am quite the coward, the opposite of my MC.  I was at the last step before going and I withdrew.  She would have just gone even if she were quivering in her boots.  She would have found something great while I merely watch from beyond the covers and dream the same without the gumption to imitate. 

I realized I'm not my MC and I haven't put too much of myself into my pieces.  Instead, I should have let life imitate art, and taken more of Bao Lai's personality into me.  Maybe I write about the person I aspire to be; not perfect, but perfectly capable of speaking her mind and taking chances.  I've thought about this before and now, more than ever, I think I'll take this motto to heart: YOLO.

Good night everyone.  Thanks for visiting.

~Lenne Penry

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